- Maximize your singleness for God. Accept the fact that while single there are many benefits you will not have after marriage – finish education, work long hours, travel to serve in missions, etc.
- Do not pursue a serious relationship until you are ready to marry. Until people are mature enough to marry, they should not be in a serious romantic relationship but should use their energies to mature.
- Be reasonable. Do not set your expectations too high or too low. If too low, you’ll be miserable; too high you may never marry.
- Do not be legalistic about dating. There is a difference between a date and dating. A date is going out for a meal or coffee after church with no thought of marriage; dating is going together until you know one another and make your decision thereafter.
- Do not have any romantic relationship with someone who is a non-Christian. A non-Christian will not even know who you are. Thus Paul clearly commands that you not be yoked with an unbeliever (2 Cor. 6:14ff).
- You should be in a romantic relationship with only one person at the time. It is cruel to date multiple people at one time, having them compete for your affections and often the pathway to promiscuity.
- He should initiate and she should respond. The Bible makes it plain that the husband should be the loving and leading head of his family (Ephesians 5:22; Col. 3:18).
- You need to look at whom God puts in front of you. You spouse may be right in front of you, especially if she attends the same church.
- Feel free to use technology wisely. Be careful not to troll Websites which encourages sexual sin.
- Invest in a romantic relationship only with someone you are entirely attracted to. Attraction must be to the whole person. Look for inward character and integrity, not outward paint.
- Only date someone who agrees with you on primary theological issues. As a woman thinks in her heart so is she (Prov. 23:7). If she thinks biblically or theologically wrong, you are in trouble from the outset of your marriage. If a minister, it is imperative that the spouse embrace the ministers’ basic theology.
- Guard your heart. Go slow. Don’t let your emotions dominate your rationality, lest you make a mistake which will ruin you.
- Be careful of legalism and libertinism. A legalist lives by rules; a libertinism has none. A genuine Christian lives by the law of grace and truth in submission to the Holy Spirit.
- Marry someone who will be fit for every season of the life that awaits you together. Marriage can be a “perpetual honeymoon.” If not it is a perpetual disappointment. I read of a couple who divorced because of illness, and the illness consisted of the fact that they became “sick of one another.”
- Pursue only someone you love. If there is a question of real love, don’t marry. A man and woman should be radically devoted to love that lasts for a life time.
- Do not have any sexual contact until marriage. “Among you there should not even be a hint of sexual immorality.” (Ephesians 5:3)
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- Note: The above principles were formulated by Mark Driscoll, and I adapted them for you. See his book, Religion Saves – Nine other Misconceptions, pp. 191-197.