Mentoring Men for the Master

SINGLENESS IS AN HONORABLE STATE, SAYS THE SCRIPTURES

What does Scripture say about singleness?  The key elements may be summarized in three statements:

  1. Singleness is A Commended State (1 Cor. 7:32-34).  Marriage carries with it great joys, but also great responsibilities for our mates and children.  But singles do not have such burdens.  Therefore, they are free to serve God in ways that the married cannot.  Often, also, they possess financial resources which can be used in the kingdom of God. In general, churches, especially Protestant, have honored marriage so much that they have failed to communicate the positive values of singleness in the Bible.  Singleness was the lifestyle of Christ and Paul and thousands of Christian leaders and missionaries throughout history, such as the great missionary, Lottie Moon.  Thus the apostle commends singleness because of the freedom it gives to the individuals to give undivided devotion to Jesus Christ.
  2. Singleness is Not A Commanded State.  While singleness is commended, it is not commanded.  The requirement of celibacy for the priesthood by the Roman Catholic Church runs counter to the teachings of the Holy Scriptures.  Paul clearly indicates that the apostles had wives, including Peter (1 Cor. 9:5).  Catholics teach that Peter was the first Pope.  If so, he had a wife.  The fact is that celibacy is almost impossible to enforce, as seen by the vast violation of the celibate vows on the part of the Catholic priests.  Why is this true?  Because celibacy is a gift bestowed by God, not a standard which can be imposed by man.
  3. Singleness May Be Caused For Several Reasons.
    1. Some are single voluntarily (Matt. 19:11-12).  They choose singleness for the sake of the kingdom.
    2. Some are born or become incapable of having a marital sexual relationship.  Example:  John Stott is one of the finest biblical expositors alive today.  Though he loves children and has had several opportunities to pursue a marriage relationship, he has never felt God’s guidance to pursue such a relationship.  In fact he realized that the global ministry God called him to would be difficult, if not impossible, to accomplish if he had a wife and children.
    1. Some singles are not yet ready to settle down or may not feel mature enough to marry.
    2. Some singles have not found the “right” person and are praying he or she will appear on the scene.
    3. Some singles are looking for the perfect mate out of fear, either fear of making a mistake or making a commitment.  However, marriage is not so much a matter of finding the perfect person as it is in being the right person.  Marriage, like everything in the Christian life, is a matter of faith.  It involves faith in God’s providence and a sacred commitment and one that should drive us to total dependence on Christ.
    4. Some singles are not yet married because they are too selfish to give themselves in the way marriage requires.  And, alas, the sexual revolution has produced a pagan culture where sexual relations are common outside of marriage.  But this must not be the case for Christians.
  • Why Do Singles Remain Single? 
  • Singleness Not By Choice.   There are those who have a deep desire to marry and take seriously Paul’s counsel that “it is better to marry than to burn” (1 Cor. 7:8-9) and yet have no marital prospects on the horizon.

Illus.:  Tom and Mary dated for seven years.  Finally, Tom said to Mary, “Don’t you think we ought to get married?”  Mary replied, “Yes, I do, but whom do you think would have us?”

  • How Should the Church Minister to Singles? “Churches could do a better job of ministering to single people, accepting them as whole people, and providing single groups, not just a place to find a spouse but a place to serve as well.  Pastors could check their sermon illustrations for applicability to the single and to the married and intentionally challenge singles to use their time to serve.  For their part, singles need to use the advantages their singleness gives for undivided devotion (1 Cor. 7:32-35) but also be ready to face the pressures singleness involves (loneliness, sexual temptation) and develop support and accountability relationships.”[1]
  • What Would I Say to Singles Who Are “Singles Not By Choice?”
    1. By God’s grace, resolve to be contented, knowing the Lord will sustain you (Phil. 4:11; 2 Cor. 12:8-9)
    2. Trust in God’s sovereignty.
    3. Realize that sexual expression is not the highest good in life or a necessity for full joy and humanity.  Jesus, Lottie Moon, and John Stott are sufficient proofs of this truth.
  • What Would I Say To A Single Man Who Is Miserable?  Convert your misery into ministry.  Lose your life in service to others, and Jesus will give you His life to the full, no matter what your circumstances in life may be.

 

 

 

[1] Daniel L. Akin, Editor, A Theology For The Church, Nashville Tennessee: Broadman and Holman, 2007, p. 361.