Mentoring Men for the Master

SEARCHING OUR SOULS UNDER THE SPOTLIGHT OF FORGIVENESS Ephesians 4:32

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?  Simply treating others the way God treats us.  Thus Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be ye kind, tender-hearted, forgiving one another as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.”  Therefore, if anyone has been truly forgiven, he has the capacity to forgive others, but if he has not been forgiven he does not have the ability to forgive.  This raises the question:  Is a person saved who cannot or will not forgive?

Forgive Others:  “To forgive does not mean that we deny that someone has not hurt us, nor does it mean that we have to necessarily trust them again or allow them into our hearts again.  That all depends on whether they’ve seen the error of their ways and repented.  If we are going to trust them again, it’s important that they have become trustworthy. But forgiveness is not about the future and whether we are going to open up and be vulnerable again.  It’s about letting go of what has already happened. It’s about acknowledging the things that were done to harm us and the debt that we are owed.

WILL EVERYONE, SOONER OR LATER, NEED TO FORGIVE SOMEONE ELSE?  Absolutely.  Why?  Because we live in a fallen world full of people who are as imperfect as we are, and we cannot avoid being hurt, offended, betrayed, cheated.  We will even have reasons to be angry and unresolved anger turns into bitterness and unforgiveness.  So God commands, “Do not let your wrath (fury or indignation) even last until the sun goes down” (Ephesians 4:26b).

 WHERE DO WE GO TO LEARN WHY AND HOW WE SHOULD FORGIVE?  To the cross.  As Jesus hung on that cross, His willing sacrifice made a statement to the world:  “I’ll take the punishment you deserve as I die for your sins, not mine.”  He, therefore, closed the books on the wrongs we have done.  And if we would forgive as Christ taught us:

 We must choose to forgive to close the books on wrongs done to us – this is the role of our wills.

    1. We must trust God to right the wrongs done to us and balance the books- this is the task of the mind.
    2. We must take captive to Christ the thoughts which would keep us from forgiving others:  this is the work of the emotions  (2 Cor. 10:5).   Our minds are battlefields and if Satan rules this territory he will fill it with anger and unforgiveness toward others.  So we should oppose them as if we were soldiers on the battlefield.  We attack them, take them captive, turn them over to our Commander in Chief, the Lord Jesus, and they become like prisoners of war.

 WHAT ARE THE GROUNDS FOR UNFORGIVENESS?  They range from adultery (if married) but more often the “Little Foxes.”  King Solomon’s wife sweated the small stuff and made this strange plea, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in bloom.” (Song of Solomon 2:4).  Illus:  I read yesterday of a wife who said, “My first husband drove me crazy by splattering tooth paste on the bathroom mirror.  I fussed at him continually.  I never let him alone about it.”

 SHOULD MARRIAGE VOWS INCLUDE FORGIVENESS?  A friend of mine, Dr. Ed Young, says in our marriages we should commit to “love, honor, obey and FORGIVE.”  Hereafter I am going to add “Forgive.”  Why?  Because a marriage is not so much the union of two great lovers as it is of two great forgivers.  Personally I am so very thankful that Doris forgave me of some “Little Foxes” and He gave me grace to reciprocate.  Otherwise we could be divorced today.

  1. IN SUMMARY WHY SHOULD WE FORGIVE?
    1. God plainly commands us to forgive (Ephesians 4:32).
    2. Forgiveness is walking in love as God commands (Ephesians 4:32; 5:1).
    3. Forgiveness is good for the soul, while unforgiveness is like adding fertilizer to the “root of bitterness” which springs up to defile us and everyone around us (Hebrews 12:15).
    4. We forgive so that God will forgive us.  If we do not forgive others, Jesus plainly says God will not forgive us.  “IF YOU ARE REFUSING TO FORGIVE YOUR SPOUSE, THIS BIBLICAL FACT SHOULD SEND CHILLS DOWN YOUR SPINE.” (Ed Young, Ten Commandments of Marriage, p. 162).
    5. We forgive so we will not be locked up in a prison of bitterness and hatred.  Illus:  In Matthew 18:21-35 Jesus tells of a man who, though forgiven millions of dollars, refused to forgive a debtor a few dollars whereupon he was “delivered to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.”  Then Jesus concludes with these awesome words, “SO LIKEWISE SHALL MY HEAVENLY FATHER DO ALSO UNTO YOU, if ye from your heart forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses.”  (Matthew 18:35).
    6. How many times should we forgive?  Jesus said “490 times.” (Matthew 18:22).  Thus Jesus teaches that we do not forgive one time, two times, or even seven times (the perfect number) but that forgiveness is a way of life.  Forgiveness is to be habitual, a practice that becomes second nature.  If I forgive someone 490 times, don’t  you think around 400 I will get in the habit of forgiving?
    7. Is there any relationship between our “conforming to the image of Christ” and our forgiveness?  Absolutely.  Why?  Because meaningful prayer is absolutely essential in conforming to Christ’s image, and I believe that unforgiveness is probably the NUMBER ONE REASON PRAYERS ARE NOT ANSWERED.  Do you believe your prayers are really making a difference?  If not, could it be because of your unforgiveness?  Search your heart?
    8. Are you willing to forgive 490 times and more?