Mentoring Men for the Master

LEARNING THE FINE ART OF LIVING WITH YOUR WIFE

 

1 Peter 3:7 – Literal translation – “you married men …must live or dwell  with your wives in intelligent consideration of them.  You must show them deference, too, as the weaker sex as they share with you the gracious gift of life, so your prayers will not be hindered.”

Evaluate the present state of your marriage.  Mark only one category please.

  1. My marriage is Super –  Yes_________No_________
  2. My marriage is Satisfying – Yes_________No_________
  3. My marriage is just SoSo – Yes_________No_________
  4. My marriage is Sinking – Yes_______No________
  5. My marriage has Sunk – Yes________No_______

The word dwell in 1 Peter 3:7 means much more than living at the same address and sharing the same bed.  It means to share your life with your wife to the fullest extent possible.  In order to do so a husband must learn six important modes of behavior in relation to your wife.

  1. LEARN TO UNDERSTAND YOUR WIFE. “Dwell with your wife according to understanding” (1 Peter 3:7).  Most husbands are not good husbands because they are not “understanding” husbands.  Reason:  They have never taken time to gain knowledge about their wives.  Illustration:  When we buy a new automobile we drive them according to knowledge.  We follow the manual.  We use the prescribed oil, rotate the tires, change the oil, maintain the tire pressure according to the rules in the manual.  We need to be that wise in relation to our wives.  Notes some points that might help: Men and women are equal, but not identical.
  2. LEARN TO PRACTICE REAL “INTIMACY” WITH YOUR WIFE. Intimacy with your wife should be like the intimacy of the Holy Spirit dwelling in you (John 14:16).  The Latin word “intimas” (our word intimate comes from it) means to share the innermost part.
    1. Physical Intimacy. A couple can have physical intimacy without have real intimacy.
    2. Verbal Intimacy. The couple just opens up and talks about their secrets, hopes, dreams their failures.
    3. Emotional Intimacy. A couple lets down the walls.  Not afraid to say “I’m afraid,” “I’m happy,” I’m blue.”  “I feel like dying or giving up.”
    4. Intellectual Intimacy. A couple shares their ideas on anything – politics, theology, economy, the church, new ideas, your neighbors, the children, frustrations, etc.
    5. Social Intimacy. A couple likes the same parties, same kind of recreation.  Play together as well as pray together.  Enjoy vacations, eating out, shopping, etc.
    6. Spiritual Intimacy. All the above pale into significance compared to spiritual intimacy.  A couple discusses the Bible together, prays together, goes soul-winning together, attends church together, tithes together, supports the MMM Vision together, and loves the pastor together.  When you pray with someone you are saying, “I recognize you as a spiritually important person.  I am interested in your spiritual growth.  You are a part of my spiritual life.  I have time for you.”
  3. Physical Difference. God made the male to be the initiator, the women the responder.  This is why God gave the male the leadership in the home.
  4. Man is a leader, the woman a follower. The feminists call this chauvinism.  No, this is God-given to the male.  A woman deeply desires and needs a man to lead in her life and home.
  5. Men tend to express themselves logically, women tend to express themselves emotionally.
  6. Men tend to be doers, women tend to be be’ers. A man finds his fulfillment in his work, a woman in her children and grandchildren.
  7. Men tend to be thinkers, woman tend to be talkers. Don’t laugh, men.  Women do think and out think us.  But they do talk without thinking at times.
  8. Men look for success, a woman looks for security. A woman is more interested in your being interested in the home than your success.
  • LEARN TO DEAL TENDERLY WITH YOUR WIFE. “Dwell with your wives, as unto the weaker vessel…”  I don’t understand why they are called the “weaker vessel.”  They outlive us by two to four years.  My mother lived to be 99 and dad died at 74.  I have concluded that the strength of the weaker vessel is the weakness of the stronger vessel for the weaker vessel.  “Weaker” means the woman is more delicate, fragile, effeminate.  The word refers to physical weakness, not intellectual, emotional or spiritual.  Because your wife is fragile and delicate, you deal with her tenderly.  I had to learn not to use certain words when I got married – words which did not offend me but often offended my wife.  1 Peter 3:8 commands “be courteous.”  Courtesy is love in little things.
  • LEARN TO SHARE FREELY WITH YOUR WIFE. “Dwell with your wife…as being heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7).  “Heirs together” means to share and share alike.”  “It is not yours and mine, it is ours.”  Your business, your home, your family, your outside interests should be an open book.  Discuss decisions with your wife.  Appreciate her advice.  Let her feel an indispensable part of the team, your life, your present and our future.
  • LEARN TO GIVE HONOR TO YOUR WIFE. Honor is a decision we make to place a high value and importance on another person (Gary Smalley, The Gift of Honor). If a woman is not honored by her husband and she is honored by another, you have got the making of a divorce or an illicit affair.  “Most marriages are not wrecked by a blow-out, but a slow leak.” (Adrian Rogers).  Respect your wife and put her on a pedestal.  Praise her in front of the children, your friends, your church.  Thank her for her character, her work, her motherhood, etc.  Have you ever stopped to think what you wife is and does?  She is a meal planner, a nurse, a counselor, a policeman, judge, and executioner.  She is a clothier, budget and financial planner, teacher, cheerleader, career woman, spiritual advisor, nursery worker, seamstress, cook, maid, linguistics’ expert (she has to understand and decipher the dialect of a two year old). She is a gardener, an administrator, schedule planner, interior decorator, chauffeur, environmentalists, historian, a confidant, companion, lover, advisor, encourager, partner, comforter, hostess and entertainer.  She is a volunteer, a friend.  She is a choir member and soul winner.  Praise her, honor her, give her honor.  It is a good way to make your marriage last.
  • LEARN TO PRAYWITH AND FOR YOUR WIFE.

Gentlemen, if you will practice the six things above, you will be showing love toward your wife.  Moreover, you will be doing the best things you can do on this earth for your children.  And you will discover that you have been immensely good to yourself.

 

 

HUSBANDS, HELP YOURSELF TO HAPPINESS .

Master the fine art of how to live with your wife.