It is easy to glibly say that we hate the sin but love the sinner. But do we? Most unbelievers and outsiders have a hard time trusting us to do this. Most of us give the impression that it is the person we dislike just as much as their actions. So much so that we tend to separate ourselves from them and abandon them to hell when we should be cultivating relationships and seeking to bring them to Jesus. For example, the homosexual, the adulterer, the murderer, thief, liar, etc. Just how should we handle this problem? C. S. Lewis wrote a word that has helped me:
“For a long time I used to think this a silly straw-splitting distinction: How could you hate what a man did and not hate the man? But years later it occurred to me that there was one man to whom I had been doing this all my life—namely myself. However much I might dislike my own cowardice or conceit or greed, I went on loving myself. There had never been the slightest difficulty about
- In fact, the very reason why I hated the things was that I loved the man. Just because I loved myself, I was sorry to find that I was the sort of man who did those things.” Frankly, I keep on loving myself even when I am profoundly disappointed with something I have done. I believe that the following 8 points may help us to love the person while hating the sin.
- Try to understand the person. Most people are the way they are for a definite reason. When you understand their background and the whole story, you will generally understand why they have done what they have done. Such understanding does not justify their sin, but it does enable us to imagine how it could occur in another life and even our own.
- Be sure that you get the plank out of your own eye before pulling a speck out of someone else’s eye (Matt. 7:3-5). When I can see my sin as clearly as I see the sins of others, I will be humbled and even broken hearted. David prayed,”Who can understand his faults, Lord cleanse me from secret sins” (Psalm 19:12). “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can know it?” (Jer. 17:9).
- Ask the question, what can I do to help the person? Sticking my nose in other peoples business can be risky, but we are authorized by God to be His agent in healing relationships (Gal. 6:1-2). I have often said that next to winning a soul, the most important ministry is that of restoring the fallen. One Christian writer closes his book with the words, “the worst sin one can commit against a brother is not to confront him about a sin which is destroying him”.
- Be careful not to slam doors or burn bridges when it comes to people. The sinner may reject my counsel now but later may have a change of heart. If he does, I need to be there with our relationship in tact. Do you recall the story of the prodigal son? He came to himself (Luke 15:17) and started the journey home because he knew the Father was waiting for him. We shouldn’t write off any person loved by our heavenly Father.
- Keep the golden rule (Matt. 7:12; Luke 6:31). Illus. I followed a man who had pastored the church for 30 years. He resigned by kept on trying to run the church. I was tempted to hate him and God spoke to me and said, “just apply the golden rule.”
- Pray sincerely for the sinner. It is impossible to keep praying for a person and keep on hating him at the same time.
- Reach out to the sinner in a concrete way – to lunch, to dinner, send a gift, write a note, invite to MMM school, etc.
- Depend on the Holy Spirit.
- Phil. 4:13- Literally the verse says “I can do all things through the power of Christ which inflows me.”
- John 14:12 “…..you shall do the works I do, because I go to my Father.” He is speaking of sending the Holy Spirit to each of His children personally.