- When Marriage Began. Marriage began shortly after the beginning of human life. First, God created Adam (Genesis 2:7). Next God created a woman (Genesis 2:18-22). Then God brought the man and woman together in marriage (Genesis 2:22). Talk about a beautiful wedding. I wish I could have been there so I could describe the ideal marriage to all the couples I have married. No wedding march, no bridal gown, no ring ceremony, no sweaty palms, no stressed out wedding planner barking orders at the ushers. Only a peaceful garden scene with God, a man and a woman coming together. A perfect match. Perfect harmony. Perfect commitment all spelled out in the simplest terms: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (glued) to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (2:24-25).
Here is the original blueprint for the ideal marriage:
- One man married to one woman.
- The couple brought together by God.
- They would live out their lives for God’s glory.
- They would be married all their lives.
A careful look at the plan reveals four essential ingredients:
- There was a severance – “A man shall leave his father and mother.”
- There was a union – “They shall become one flesh.”
- Three was a beautiful, unashamed intimacy – “The man and his wife were naked and were not ashamed.” An intimacy untarnished by sin. No self-consciousness – total emotional freedom. Sexual delights beyond comprehension.
- All these blessings were permanent. “And shall be joined to his wife.” So this first “original match” was absolutely perfect. As the late Peter Marshall used to say, “Marriage is the highest hall of human happiness.”
- Where Marriage Went Wrong?. What went wrong? The answer in a word: sin. God allowed Adam and Eve perfect freedom to live in Paradise on this earth. He placed only one restriction on them: do not eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. To do so would bring spiritual and physical death (Genesis 2:17). But they didn’t obey God, and the whole world fell under an avalanche of evil and destruction, and nothing suffered a greater fall than marriage, especially to the ingredient of Permanence.
- What Happened to Permanence? Statistics reveal an epidemic. If the trend continues, more than half of all American marriages will end in divorce. And marriage is rapidly becoming tabooed in our culture. One statistic says that 52% of children being born today in America are from unmarried mothers. On the continent of Europe, including England, babies are unwanted and regarded as bad by most couples until some are predicting that Europe will in time become mostly unpopulated, except Islam.
- Why Be So Concerned? I see 7 huge concerns:
- God’s beautiful plan for human happiness and welfare is being destroyed.
- Christian couples are as susceptible to divorce as are non-Christians. The odds of a Christian marriage lasting for a lifetime are just as low as for unbelievers.
- Divorce is devastating to children. Today, less than three quarters of all American children live in two-parent homes.
- History tells us that once a nation’s homes are permanently fractured, the nation will crumble at its foundation.
- Most ministers marry couples who have divorced without scriptural grounds. Many marriage ceremonies have little or no Christian content.
- There is a clear parallel in the rise of divorce and sexual immorality.
- The thought of divorce is now regarded as a universal option, and when that mentality takes over, the slippery slope to divorce picks up speed.
- What is the Answer? To realize that marriage was never designed to make us happy but to make us holy. Therefore your unhappiness is no reason to end a lifetime commitment. Listen to the counsel of one of the most compassionate and discerning thinkers on the scene today: “Happiness is the icing on the cake. As I have said for years, it is not love that keeps a marriage together; it is commitment. Love, as an emotion, ebbs and flows over time. There are only so many moonlit nights to go around. Sickness, heartache, brokenness, disease, aging, and adversity all work against romantic love, but those same struggles are able to strengthen commitment.
All of this bad news underscores the destructive power of sin. Since the mudslide of sin began in Genesis 3, all marriages have strained against sin’s wrecking influence. Strife, abuse, deception, low self-esteem, selfishness, and immorality – throw all those into the marriage mix, and there’s no wonder we need God’s power to survive. The good news is this: There is hope in Christ for getting through the tough stuff of divorce, no matter where you find yourself in the cycle.”[1]
- Happiness is an Inside Job. This is the title of a book by John Powell in which he describes how we naively hope for happiness in the life of another person:
“A few years ago a divorce lawyer submitted the opinion that most divorces result from romanticized expectations. Jack thinks that being married to Jill will be utter bliss. He calls her “Angel” and “Sweetie.” She is all he will ever need. He sings her the romantic lyrics of love songs. Then, shortly after the wedding bells have become an echo, the truth sets in: There are unpleasant moods, weight gains, burned dinners, hair curlers, occasional bad breath and body odors. He silently wonders how he ever got into this. He secretly thinks she has deceived him. He had gambled his happiness on “Angel Face” and has apparently lost.
On the other side, before marriage Jill’s heart beats a little faster whenever she thinks of Jack. It will be such heaven to be married to him. “Just Jackie and me and baby makes three…in my Blue Heaven.” Then there are cigarette ashes, his addiction to sports events on television, minor but painful insensitivities. Clothes are left lying only in chronological order. Her knight in shining armor has turned out to be a “one-man slum.” The top to the toothpaste tube is missing. The doorknob he promised to fix still comes off in her hand. Jill cries a lot, starts looking up “marriage counselors” in the yellow pages. Jack carried her off gallantly into the sunset. From then on it was all darkness.
Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. Sixty-five percent of all second marriages end in the same traumatic sadness. Disillusion always seems to follow when we expect someone or something else to make us happy. Such expectations are a parade that always gets rained on. The place called “Camelot” and the person called “Right” just don’t exist…I once saw a cartoon of a huge woman standing over her diminutive, seated husband, demanding, “Make me happy!” It was a cartoon. It was meant for laughter. It was a distortion of reality. And that’s why it was funny. No one can make us truly happy or truly unhappy.”[2]
- I plan the Lord leading, to deal with “Divorce and Remarriage” in a future lesson.
10 COMMANDMENTS OF A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
- “Thou shalt not be a selfish pig.
- Thou shalt cut the apron strings.
- Thou shalt continually communicate.
- Thou shalt make conflict thy ally.
- Thou shalt avoid the quicksand of debt.
- Thou shalt flee sexual temptation – online and otherwise.
- Thou shalt forgive thy mate – 490 times and more.
- Thou shalt keep the home fires burning.
- Thou shalt begin again and again.
- Thou shalt build a winning team.”[3]
[1] Charles Swindoll, Getting Through the Tough Stuff, Nashville, Tennessee: W Publishing Group, 2004, p. 84
[2] Quoted in ibid, pp. 84-85.
[3] Ed Young, The 10 Commandments of Marriage . Chicago, Illinois: Moody, 2003, p.1