Mentoring Men for the Master

24 HARD AND HAPPY LESSONS GOD TAUGHT US IN 58 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

Today we want to share 24 important, marriage-transforming, God-taught lessons concerning our 58 years as of July 19, 2010.  I have endeavored to organize my married life into 22 significant categories, realizing that I did not have time to recount all things I had experienced and had forgotten as much or more than I remember:

  1. MARRIAGE for us was a GOD-THING:
    1. Doris’ clipping my picture, November 1950.
    2. Doris’ call, February 1951.
    3. My hesitancy and reluctant response because of fear and mama’s caution.
    4. My shabby speech, leaving Doris
    5. As for me I just thought it was an event I was glad had passed.
    6. 2nd meeting: April 1951, and my invitation to Duke Gardens.
    7. My first impression that God might be in this thing.
    8. It became increasingly evident God had brought us together.
    9. Visited her father, Christmas, 1951, who “liked me” but “he cannot make you a living” he said to Doris.
    10. After much prayer and struggle because I had resolved not to get married until I could support a wife (my father’s counsel) and had finished my education, I knew the Lord had led me to the greatest lady on earth. She was pulchritudinous on the outside and if possible even more beautiful on the inside.
    11. Shortly the BIG QUESTION was POPPED and she gladly responded and the BIG EVENT took place on the hottest day in history, July 19th, 5 PM, Grace Baptist Church, Durham, officiated by my two mentors, Rev. B. E. Morris and Henry Anderson. Humor:  Brother BE encountered me in a clothing store on Wednesday before the wedding, asking what I was doing, I replied, “A good lady gave me $11.00 to buy some pants and I am looking for them,” to which this veteran said, “Bill, you shouldn’t buy them,” when I asked why he replied, “After Saturday you won’t need any pants.  Your wife will wear them.”
  2. Our Commitment to Permanence:
    1. Never once thought of divorce as an option, and never permitted divorce to be discussed in our home except on one occasion. Illus:  Question son Bill asked about divorce.
  3. UNITY IN BIG THINGS: Our call to ministry, praying, reading the Bible, church attendance, honor of the Holy Spirit, use of money, generosity, etc.
  4. “LITTLE FOXES” gave us a little rocky start at times (Song of Solomon 2:15).
    1. Doris needed 8 hours of sleep, I needed only 4.
    2. Doris ate to live, I lived to eat.
    3. Doris had the gift of prophesy, I had mercy.
    4. I loved collards, Doris hated them.
    5. I worshipped rice, Doris thought I was crazy.
    6. I spoke in AS prose, Doris spoke in French derivatives.
    7. I talked, Doris thought
    8. I had knowledge, Doris had wisdom
    9. I moved like lightning, Doris like a tortoise. :  Family stopped at a service station to refresh ourselves, boys and I did our thing, returned to the car and no Doris, and no Doris, and no Doris, etc until finally I turned to an attendant and said, “Sir, would you please do me a favor, ask my wife to write me,” and I drove off with the boys hollering at me not to leave mother which I never thought of doing.
  1. The First Lesson I Learned: SELFISHNESS is the greatest problem in marriage and we had to lick it or fail.
  2. The Wake -up Call or $64 Question: WHAT IS IT LIKE BEING MARRIED TO BILL BENNETT?  I looked in the mirror and what I saw I did not like.  I began to repent and have kept on repenting for 56 ½ years.
  3. Our Next Lesson Learned: A GOOD MARRIAGE IS NOT BETWEEN TWO GREAT LOVERS AS MUCH AS TWO GREAT FORGIVERS.  We then began to take seriously the admonition of Ephes. 4:26, “Be angry and sin not; and let not the sun go down on your wrath.”  I did this once and could not live with it.  We also never washed our “dirty laundry” in public.  How many times did we forgive?  490 and more (Matthew 18:22).  Why are we to forgive.  Ephesians 4:32 tells us why.  What to forgive?  Everything, including adultery
  4. The Glue Which Held Us Together: Jesus Christ, prayer, the Bible, talking.
  5. Enlargement of Our Family:
    1. We prayed for and sanctified our 3 sons in the womb before marriage (Jer. 1:5) as my mother had done for me.
    2. Dedicated them privately to the Lord and publicly.
    3. Took all three to church without fail. Placed my hands upon their heads and “pled the blood of Jesus for protection before school, prayed with them, memorized “Our Daily Bread,” discussed the Bible and my sermons, etc.
    4. Staked out every Friday PM as “Men’s Night,” when we ate and shared our hearts together.
  6. My Great Regret: Failed to realize that my sons were subjected to a growing pagan culture I did not experience, and needed more discussion and protection than I gave them.
    1. My oldest son’s aberration: Happened a little in high school as I learned from reading a letter and heightened at Baylor University.
    2. His encouraging confession to me.
  1. One Temporary Devastating Disappointment:
    1. A second son, Phil came down with a brain tumor shortly after marriage which forced him into a wheel chair for life.
    2. Our third and youngest son contracted MS at age 28 which put him into a wheel chair for life.
    3. Great lesson we learned – God will never allow us to face any trial which is not ultimately for our good (Romans 8:28). 
  1. MY LOVE PRIORITY – DORIS’ LOVE PRIORITY: For one another, not for our children.  Illus:  Oldest son:  “Daddy, the greatest things you taught me in our home was to love my wife more than my children.”  I extended to Doris the 3 D’s and ate “Round Steak” (rolled bologna).
  2. ATTITUDE TOWARD MONEY: Some studies show that money is the major cause of divorce.  Never, never, never once for us.  We never thought of just giving the tithe and in addition our largest gift of the year was for Foreign Missions.  Had we not taken the biblical view toward giving, I doubt we could have stayed together, and I am sure we would have been in constant turmoil.  As a result we have seen the literal fulfillment of Mal. 3:10; 2 Cor. 9:6-11; Acts 20:35; and Luke 6:38, never gone into debt EVEN ONCE.  This I say cautiously, humbly, gratefully but totally in truth.
  3. “I’D RATHER HAVE JESUS” Our favorite song for a good reason. The first song I ever heard Doris sing was “I’d Rather Have Jesus,” and she being a minister of music herself sang it beautifully, but it was far more beautiful when I was with my own eyes saw how she literally lived out that song in our home in every iota of her life.
  4. WE HAVE LIVED A VERY BUSY LFE requiring balance between ministry and family. How were we able to do so?  I am convinced by a principle God taught us:  The Principle of “Both and” rather than “Either or.”  We did both and God enabled us to do so.  The devil will always place distractions of all kinds, many worthy ones, and if one bows to them, he cannot live as God commands but which He will enable us to do if we will trust Him and be willing to make the sacrifice.  That is what my life verse teaches, Phil. 2:12: 1 Cor. 15:10.  This is a part of working out our salvation in “fear and trembling.”  If God had not taught me this principle I would not show up to MMM half of the time.  PTL for His mercy.
  5. OUR NON-SACRIFICES: God called me and the family to do three very difficult, even heart breaking things:
    1. To abandon my chosen career and scholarship over the protests of family and friends.
    2. To resign church of 1000 members with generous salary to church of 85 members for salary of $75.00 weekly to earn my doctorate.
    3. To leave churches of 3000 and 8000 members on faith, no salary, in order to “pour my life into men.” BUT I NEVE THOUGHT FOR ONE MOMENT I SACRIFICED ONE IOTA IN THE LIGHT OF CALVARY.
  6. HIGH SPIRITUAL MOMENTS: Such moments are given by God for us to teach our children great truths and priorities.  Our first celebration should be our New Birth and Baptism, then our Marriage, then Christmas, the Resurrection, Pentecost, God and Country, Thanksgiving and some powerful spiritual traditions of your family.
  7. HUMOR TO MAINTAIN OUR SANITY AND EASE TENSIONS:
    1. Illus: “I’ve scrambled the wrong egg.”
    2. Crazy sentence at mealtime: “My gastronomic satiety has reached a place of deglution, consistent with dietary superfluity.”  (jargon for saying, “I have eaten enough.”
    3. “Bill, what’s wrong? Your face looks like a reprint of the Book of Lamentations.”
    4. “Doris, what’s wrong? You look like you have Mississippi”
    5. Laughter is the tranquilizer which has no side effects.”
  8. WE LEARNED THAT PRIDE (HUBRIS) IS THE “mother of all sin” and HUMILITY IS OUR GREATEST VIRTUE. Illus:  Visit to a filthy home was hard.  Doris, “But Bill, Jesus would go.”
  9. WE FOUND THAT THE CHRISTIAN LIFE IS SUMMED UP IN 11 SIMPLE WORDS FROM THE BIBLE: Obey Jesus and  you can leave the consequences to Him.”
  10. OUR ULTIMATE LESSON LEARNED: “You make a living by what you make.  You make a life by what you give.”
  11. WHERE ARE WE IN THE PRESENT? Knowing that as far as our marriage is concerned: “The largest room in the world is room for improvement,” and by the grace of God we are determined to “IMPROVE IT” AS LONG AS WE LIVE.
  12. OUR FUTURE:
    1. Hope to die the same day.
    2. We know we will be together in heaven.
    3. Our envisioned Epitaph – (Many years down the road) “For me to live is Christ, to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21). “They lived for Jesus while on earth, now they dwell with Him FOREVER TOGETHER, in heaven, awaiting a glorious resurrection.”
  13. MY FINAL WORD TO DORIS: “I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears of all my life, and IF GOD CHOOSES, I SHALL LOVE THEE BETTER AFTER DEATH.” (Elizabeth Barrett to husband Robert Browning).