I call these commandments I am about to share “Common Sense Commandments” because they have arisen out of my common experiences as a married man, as I sought to apply biblical principles and common sense – not the views of the experts on marriage. I certainly make no claim to have had a perfect or even near perfect marriage, but I did keep my marriage vow to stay married to the same woman “until death do you part” which lasted for 58 years, and that my marriage grew sweeter and sweeter as the years rolled along.
Illus: Someone asked me once, “Bill, did you and Doris ever fuss in marriage?” I replied, “I would not say we fussed, but we did have some intense moments of fellowship.” However, there was never a time when we did not talk and pray even in times of disagreements.
As I share with you today, I am thinking of a single man who went up and down the country delivering a message, “7 Ways to Have A Near Perfect Marriage.” The trouble was that this fellow had never married, but he did marry, after which he changed the title of his message, “A Few Feeble Remarks to Fellow Strugglers.” So I speak today as your “Fellow Struggler.” With this said, here goes my “Common Sense Commandments.”
- Receive your wife as your greatest gift except eternal life, given by the grace of God, and remember that God made your wife unlike you so she could complete you (Ezer Kenegdo in Hebrew) (Genesis 2:18). “Who can find a virtuous wife, for her price is far above rubies?” (Proverbs 31:10).
- Be sure you are right before you attempt to live with another. If lost, get saved, for no unsaved man can meet the demands of marriage. If saved, surrender you life daily to the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18) and get drunk on Gods kind of love (Romans 5:5).
- Do not be deceived and fall in love and marry at first sight. A second look may cure this. Quickie marriage, quickie divorce.
- Marry a woman for her character, not her cosmetics (outward beauty). To marry a woman for her looks is like buying a house for its paint. Give closer attention to a woman’s “warehouse” than her “show case.” The “show case” will fade quickly; the “warehouse” will last forever. (1 Peter 3:4).
- Never ask, “What can my wife do for me, but what can I do for my wife to make her happy?” Be honest enough to admit that “I” am probably the chief enemy of my marriage. A professional counselor on marriage said to me one time, “For years I was unhappy in my marriage and blamed my wife, until I woke up one day to see I was the problem, dealt with it, and today we have a fabulous marriage.” Thus you must crucify “King Self” by the aid of the Holy Spirit if you would have a happy marriage (Romans 6 and 8). Keep the 3 “D’s:”
- Dialogue daily
- Date weekly
- Depart the city monthly.
- Ponder the cost of marriage before you marry. Someone has said, “The difference in love and marriage is this: Love intoxicates you; marriage sobers you up.” Love is “moonlight and roses” and “the sweet mouthings of nothing.” But marriage is babies, bottles, budgets, battles, bathrooms, and blahs! (Luke 14:31).
- Marry for love, not for lust. Lust is selfishness on steroids. Love can wait; lust demands now; love seeks not her own; lust seeks all for its own; love last forever; lust last 18 months or less. Love stays married; lust is looking for greener pastures (1 Cor. 13:4-7).
- Forgive your mate – 490 times and more. When two become one, you are committed to forgive the “better half” of yourself for a lifetime. Marriage is not primarily the union of two lovers, but of two forgivers (Ephes. 4:32).
- Handle your in-laws with “silence and prayer.” Obey the biblical injunction, “Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” (James 1:19).
- Keep the lines of communication open with your spouse all the time. Keep talking and praying. When a nation withdraws its ambassador from a foreign country, they stop talking, and often the next step is war. When a couple stops talking, disaster is just down the road (Cor. 13:4-8; Luke 21:19).
- Marry to stay married until death do you part. Do not marry if you think divorce is ever a option. Be willing to suffer wrong and suffer long to save your marriage. Note: I never once nor did Doris think of divorce. In fact I never spoke the word divorce in our home and forbid anyone in the family to do so. As I recall my oldest son asked me once this question, “Daddy, did you every think about divorce?” and I replied, “I never thought of divorce but I have thought of murder.” Ha. Believe it or not, had I entertained the possibility of divorce, I may have divorced the first year of my marriage. (Genesis 2:24-25).
- Love your wife above any person on earth, except Jesus Christ, including your children, parents, best friends, etc. Be sure your children hear you say these words, “I love Doris more than I love you – Bill, Jr., Phil, and David.” The most important single thing you can do for your children is t o love their mother more than you love them. I constantly said this to my kids. Illus: Bill, Jr. to me just before his mother died, “Daddy, the most important thing you taught me about marriage was to love my wife more than my children” (Ephes. 5:25).
Finally – ASK YOURSELF THE “65,000 DOLLAR” QUESTION?
“WHAT IS IT LIKE BEING MARRIED TO ME?”